I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
