at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We left the knife in your bed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
