I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
