I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
