It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
