not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
