Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
