in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
