I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
