everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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