I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
