new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
