Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
