ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
