My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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