Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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