three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
cat food counts as protein by the way
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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