it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
