No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
