It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
