Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
