He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
