I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
