i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
