i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Two words: blizzard sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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