Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
