Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
