I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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