In the future we'll all be gay
wanna go halves on a baby?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
