Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
