Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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