i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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