remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
