Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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