The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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