just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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