I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
