I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
