it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
