did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
