Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
