woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm always down for nudity.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
