By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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