I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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