Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
