Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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