Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
