I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
