dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
