I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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