It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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