If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
