My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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