he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Less talking, more tequila
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
